In the last post, my old friend Travis started a list of cool things a Dad can do for his kids. Of course, the top of the list was everyone's favorite, The Zerbert. As parents, we are responsible for teaching our children life lessons. Lessons like How to tie your shoe, How to use your silverware, How to say Please, Thank You and Your Welcome, etc. Sometimes, we need to teach our kids a few other things as well.
Indy's out on Spring Break this week so I'm stealing his TPA (Tuesday Pointless Activity for you non-readers). What life lessons or pointless skills will you teach your children? For those without children, what did your father teach you? Without mentioning tent building or my kickass sound effects, I will start.
1. A particular reader may not mention this, so I will do it for him. I will teach my children that you should always keep a fire extinguisher in your kitchen. Should a teapot suddenly burst into flames, a bag of flour will not extinguish it.
2. Always keep an eye on the person who says they don't know how to play poker.
3. If you have an upset stomach and you ask your mother for some Immodium AD, check the foil before you pop it in your mouth, lest your mother actually hands you Ex-Lax and attempts to take your life.
4. If there is a monster in your room, you should probably befriend it. Chances are it's not going anywhere so you might as well get a long. Offer it part of your cookie and tell it good-bye whenever you leave.
5. Don't torment your siblings or they may grown up to be like your aunts, constantly reminding you of all the mean things you did to them when you really just wanted them to leave you alone. Do not wrap your sibling's head in masking tape.
6. You should learn how to climb a tree without falling down. You never know when a Grizzly is going to appear in your backyard. If you climb and fall down, you've wasted the energy you will need to kill the bear.
7. Embrace your dorkiness.
8. Despite what people may tell you, the Muppets are real.
9. Sarcasm IS very funny. I will let you know when you can use it with your mother and I.
10. It is very difficult to whistle the Benny Hill Theme song, but you should practice it anyway.
