Once upon a time (1998), in a magical land called Crystal City (Virginia), there lived a young lad named, 808. Our hero moved to the east coast to escape certain doom as a small town waiter for a new start in the kingdom's capitol. He quickly found work as a waiter in a big city, franchise restaurant. There, he diligently served lunch to the lawmakers, lobbyists, diplomat and tourists. His weekly wages were not that of a lord, or a knight, or a peasant really, but he did his job well and managed to pay for his overpriced room on the 11th floor of a castle.
One day, a traveling salesman approached our hero and presented him with an opportunity to make great money and live like a lord, maybe even a king. Now, 808 had already turned down the opportunity to live like a knight when another person had offered him the option to do some modeling (yes, you may laugh here, but it is true). This new man presented him with something different though, something enticing that included dangerous trips into the evil lands of Corporatus Americus. 808 were but a boy from the prairie lands, but he was not unaware of this doomed civilization of greed, corruption and boredom. The man ascertained 808 was an artistic soul, and so he promised 808 would not be selling those wretched Successories or Nagel paintings. He would only sell high-class art, and the man said unto 8o8:
"Your extensive knowledge of art and the ways of the brush will aide thou in thy sales. Thou will amass customers faster than any others in my army will. What sayeth thee, 808? Will thou joinest me in the hunt for riches and adventures? I promise thee there will be feasts and celebrations and drink and herb."
"Yes," sayeth our hero, "I will join thee who calleth himself Darin, Captain of the Landmark Designs. I will follow thee for you present great wealth. Thou drivest a fancy chariot and don shimmering eye coverings with clouded glass."
And so our hero embarked on the greatest adventure of his life. He arrived at the port on his first day and found himself paired with one of the crew for two days. As a page, he ventured into Corporate America, watching this great salesman sell replications of Monet and Degas. In the following passage from his journal, 808 gave this account of the popularity of some paintings: "First mate Jason led me unto the lands of Corporatus Americus this morn. Thy sweat rolled heavily down my visage as we treaded into hostile land. Thy nerves were calmed when Sir produced the Van Gogh's for the barbarians and the savages. Thy enemies circled round Sir with great eagerness, producing many coin from their satchels. They longed for the Sunflowers and Starry Night pieces. So much so, we returneth to port midday to gather more for our afternoon journey."
And on the third day, Captain Darin said unto 808, "You are ready, my son, to march into Corporatus Americus alone and attack the ogres and trolls, perhaps even to fight the dragon."
With much enthusiasm, our hero loaded his vessel with as many paintings possible, it must have been around 50, carefully selected by the older crew to aide him in the voyage. He was even allowed to take more of the days Van Gogh rations than any other salesman. He pushed off from the port and began his journey into the charted seas of Corporatus Americus. During his first day, he sold two pieces. He returned to the port that evening, joyous proclaiming his sales. The crew welcomed him warmly saying, "You have done well, 808, the next day thou will selleth 30 pieces!" And they handed him a cooked chicken leg and foamy ale. 808 ate heartily as he was hungry and parched from his trip.
On the fourth day, 808 repeated the morning routine and sold one piece during the morning. After lunch, 808 realized he was very tired from the previous day's journey and so he rested. Perhaps for too many hours as it was soon time to return to the port. He arrived, feigning discouragement at the tough market that day. They still embraced him, gave him food and drink and herb and the festivities began.
On the fifth day, 808 followed the routine, but after loading his vessel and leaving the port, he returned to his abode and rested, for the previous evening's festivities left him too tired to journey. After lunch, he approached some of the near-lying Corporatus Americus land, but found most were not interested in stopping their busy work to come see his paintings.
And so the story goes for the next week. 808 contemplated turning in the customary two-week notice of his intent to return to the restaurant, but realized that would have meant giving notice on his first day. When the fifth day of the second week arrived, he collected his wages and left for the weekend, never to return to Captain Darin, wearer of shiny eye coverings with clouded glass, and the mighty crew of Landmark Designs. He swore to never sell anything and maintained his position on never working in evil Corporatus Americus, from which he writes this passage today.
The end.
