The Background...I despise the vending machines at work and the jerkass who owns all three of them (Frozen, Soda and Assorted). The buttons are way too sensitive and if craving cheetos in the 31 spot, you will get popcorn in the 33 spot 99.9% of the time. One can waste four minutes trying to get the soda machine to take your second quarter. I have told many people that should we ever switch vendors, i will personally help the jerkass carry his damn machines out of here.
Yesterday...The cooling unit of the soda machine began to die. As I walked out to buy a can, I noticed the jerkass inspecting the underneath with a flashlight. A smile crept up on my face. I bought a warm can of soda, grabbed a cup of ice and joyfully kicked back with daydreams of a modern soda machine, perhaps one that dispensed bottles. Oooh, maybe one that allows you to purchase soda via cell phone like at school. Mmmm, the possibilities.
Today...I walk back to purchase a can of soda and the jerkass is conversing with our operations manager. He tells Mr. Spineless that he will get someone out in the next day or so to fix the machine (NO! new machine! new machine! please god, new machine!) Mr. Spineless brings up the warm can issue and the jerkass (who looks like the comic strip version of George Wilson) laughs it off by pointing out that the employees can just get a cup of ice. I begin to seethe.
Working on the Plan...When I pay 50 cents for a can of soda, I see it as 25 cents going toward the product and 25 cents going toward the guarantee that this can will be ice friggin' cold. If I need to get a cup of ice for my soda, then I will start bringing my own 12 packs in and keeping them at my desk. Maybe I will get one of those mini-desktop fridges, the sub-zero model.
I need to find a way to sabotage these machines. Show this jerkass as being incompetent and insensitive to DSI's cold soda concerns. Any suggestions?
Hear me, jerkass vending machine guy who drives around in his unmarked mini-van, your days are numbered. I will do everything I can to get a corporate vending machine company to supply us. And all because you suggested I just get a cup of ice instead of bitching about your sucky-ass machines.
Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
