Yesterday, I noticed that my some of my posts have been rather morose since Memorial Day. So, to lighten things up and bring the fun back, I have have graciously accepted an offer for a free 16' trampoline. I am a sucker for free things, regardless of how in the hell i am going to put a large trampoline in my sloping backyard. Nevertheless, I do not care, because it is a trampoline and despite their associations with Mormons, they are also associated with fun.
Wait, what is that about Mormons and trampolines? You have not heard of this before? Let me explain. I believe that there is no one true religion. I believe there is a higher power, a God, but that he speaks to people in a manner that is most comfortable to them. One exception, Mormons. I think Mormons are from outer space. I grew up just north of one out of two Mormon landing spots. They breed and wed multiple times to spread their populations in preparation for world dominance.
Think about it. They send their kids out on a "mission" where only family and church members know where they are going. They're going back to the mothership!!! I watched V growing up; I know how these things happen. First, they seem like your friend and neighbors and then boom! You have to wear white, short sleeve shirts with skinny ties and walk around everywhere. For those on the lookout, Jehovah Witnesses, the knockoff Mormons or Human variants can be identified by the inclusion of a bicycle to the mix.
My friends and I noticed that their seemed to be a connection between all the Mormon families in town and how each one seemed to own a trampoline. Peculiar? I have yet to determine the true meaning, whether it is a teleportation device or a holy shrine. Maybe the inventor of the trampoline was Mormon and so all members of the church get a discount. I do not know. If anyone has any thoughts, or is Mormon and can explain it to me, I would appreciate it. I am going to conduct a test, but more about that in a minute.
For those of you who doubt my conspiracy theory, check it out for yourself. I had a friend who once doubted me and I told him to simply look up "Mormon Trampoline" on Google. 30 minutes later, he apologized for doubting me. There is something fishy going on people. Do not let your government fool you.
I live two minutes away from an RLDS church. I am going to use my trampoline to see if it draws more Mormons to my house. For those of you who are already planning to protest my house, you will not be included in the final count of Mormons brought to my house because of the trampoline. I will also not let you use it. It is a joke, relax. Cut back on your caffeine intake...what is that? You can't drink caffeine? It is like poison in your body? Hmmm...Humans, we have a weapon!
